Predominately, mortality is not something one will face in the early years of life. You may be fortunate enough to last until your third or even fourth decade of life before one close to you passes on. As a Christian, a certain maturity is gained from this experience that cannot be gained elsewhere. This is what I am learning.
Though I lost an aunt when I was in high school, the prospect of death did not hit extremely close. The event showed God's faithfulness in a special way, but that is another story for another time. The recent news of the cancer in my grandfather has seemed much more affecting; much more real.
I am in a place where dreams are growing, hope is motivating. I am beginning a career. We have two incomes and a dog. I work and I work out. We make plans and remodel rooms. Life seems almost unconquerable. But then, like a small hole in a swollen balloon, a little piece of news can make all these plans slowly, slowly shrink away. Their value turns to dust. And it makes one wonder - "what really matters?"
I know what truly matters. I was raised right. There are things temporal and things eternal. This I know. But, this I forget. In the business of life, in the planning, the dreaming. In the making of the budget and the holiday foods. Even in the giving and sometimes the praying, I forget the eternal.
In the eternal, all things are whole. In the eternal, there are no goodbyes. In the eternal, there is no fear and are no questions. Neither is there tears, sadness or pain. But today is not eternal. Today, or tomorrow I may have to say goodbye...I will have to feel pain...I will continue to have questions.
But the eternal shines behind each happening. The Spirit of God whispers comfort in times that I cannot bear. The Eyes of the King see my tears in the shower, in my bed, in my sleep. The Lord lets me ask questions and promises, someday, to answer.
This I know. But this, I forget.
Abba, succurro mihi ut memor.
