Positivityness

Wow!  I was reading some of my recent posts and dang, I'm depressing!  I don't write much but I guess I feel most moved to write when I am sad or feeling reflective.  When I go back and read on my blog, I'm going to have to remind myself that those spaces?  Those long gaps between one post and another?  Those were good times.  Life was good enough that I didn't feel the need to emotionally vomit on the internet.  

Moving on before this becomes the most narcissistic post of all time...

I've decided I must re-watch this movie as soon as possible. 

 

One carpet bag and an umbrella to whoever knows what movie this refers to!

Next post will be a positive one, mkay?

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.  Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.

For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.  Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore, we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.  We live by faith, not by sight.  We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.  So we make it our goal to please Him...

II Corinthians 5:1-9

I read this at 7:15 this morning.  At 7:55, I learned that my grandfather had passed away in the darkness before dawn.  That is, he passed from darkness into dawn.

Envy

Tonight, I found myself jealous.  Jealous of a homeless man with a mental handicap.  Despite the fact that he wasn't "normal," he had an incredible musical talent.  Sitting on a park bench, with all his possessions at his feet, he played a cello.  Standing near a tunnel, his trumpet tunes made music with the city sounds.  Once he was student at Julliard, but now he lives his passion a little differently.  He does it on the street, since the way his brain works prevents him from a normal job.  He adores music so much that nothing can stop him from it.

I'd rather be homeless and doing what I was created to do, than have a safe warm home and not know what dreams to pursue.

A Bigger Ache

I'm feeling somber tonight.  

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

There is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I will never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

There's no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do 

To make you feel my love

There storms are raging on the rolling sea

Down on the highway of the grave

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do -

Go to the ends of the earth for you

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

Speaking

I'm not as good at talking as I am at writing.  And that's not to say that I'm fabulous at writing.  I'm saying I do very poorly when talking.  Either I don't or - when I do - I stutter, stumble, mumble or make little sense.  Every once in a while I say something however, that is almost as honest, heart-spoken, and clear as when words come off my pen (or keyboard).  

At a party the other night I met a couple of people and one of them asked me what I do.  I replied candidly, "Nothing.  I don't do much..."  That was stupid, Andrea.  Recover, woman!  "I'm learning many things, but I wouldn't say I do anything, at least not well."  I wasn't saying to be mysterious or clever.  I didn't necessarily want to talk about it, but simply spoke the very thoughts that came to my head when he asked the question.  My answer was strange and I tried to recover - "I mean, my job is teaching.  I teach kindergarten."  .....awkward pause....  "I like it."   

Then this person asked what I was learning about.  

"Lots of things, I guess...how to knit...how to blog...how to be a good wife....a good friend...."  at this point I was feeling kind of silly, but I kept going.  "I have a lot to learn."  Like how to make small talk at parties, I'm thinking to myself.  I kind of wanted to crawl into a hole at that point.

At the risk of sounding egotistical, when I look back, I love what I said.  Quite simply - it's true and I just said what was on my heart.  Every day I'm learning something, and every day I'm reminded I have far to go in mastering that skill or relationship or ability.

"Hi, I'm Andrea.  And I'm learning."

She shoots....she scores!

Goals.  I'm not big on them.

However, I'm kind of at a place where I need them.  It's funny because one would think goals would be created when you have a vision and know exactly what you want.  For me, my goal-making was birthed out of not really being sure...about anything.  I think this path may be possible....these steps could be successful....Go

d might want this for me...but I'm not positive. Might as well pursue one of them than sit around and wonder.

It has been a lot of fun setting my goals and laying out plans to meet them.  For example I set Goal A and Goal B.  Under each goal, I listed three or so things of what I think those goals require of me long-term, i.e. how I plan to meet that goal.

Now, at the beginning of each week, I am laying out the specific actions for me to make steps toward reach

ing my goals.  Amazing, I know.  I will be writing a self-help book, Realize Your Dreams - See Your Success - Now!  Coming to stores soon.

So anyways, when I make these weekly goal-meeting plans, I'm writing it all down in my journal.  I love my journal.  I love the intimate writing experience between me and God.  Ever since my first prayer journal (Precious Moments) and first diary (Garfield - I know, right?), I've loved the secrecy of a private thought-space.  So naturally, my journal stays closed.  It looks cuter this way.  Unfortunately, I'm finding that when I write down things and then hide them with the cute but opaque covers of my journal, I tend to forget all the plans and goals I had.  

Good:

Bad:

So, while it is driving my slight ocd crazy, I'm leaving my journal out and open most of the time.  The accessibility has really worked so far - both days I've done it.  Ha.

I have some house-wifely duties I must get done now....and no, those weren't exactly on the goal list.

Today

Things that made me happy:

• Holding a week old baby

• Watching B play his bball game and discussing it afterwards

• Deciding not to exercise today  (I'll do it tomorrow.  Really.)

• Sharing advice with a new teacher

• Watching my kids dance the Hokey Pokey  (they've got some moves!)

• Making reservations for V-day at the best local Italian restaurant

• My pink camisole