Tonight I am looking around the house and feel completely overwhelmed and disappointed. This day feel like a fail. Dishes half-started, completely unfinished. Toys strewn around, projects for the day never touched. Clutter still littering countertops, end tables, and most other flat surfaces. Laundry has been washed, dried, and folded - and is creating an attractive leaning tower on top of the bench in our bedroom. Discussions I wanted to have, phone calls I wanted to make, and matters I wanted to settle have gone undone.
I have spend most of the day pouting as I watched one plan after another unravel. Add to that that I have not felt in the best shape and just wanted some downtime today (which I did not get much of at all), and I really had some nasty moments of selfishness, eye rolling, and heavy sighs. You know what I mean.
More important than the disarray of my home, I am realizing the state of my heart is desperate. I have bitterness, resentment and discontent scattered on the shelves of my heart. The mess in my home does not even begin to reflect the mess inside. So instead of spending time cleaning, tidying, and doing tonight, I think I will sit. I will pray. I will ask forgiveness. And tomorrow will grant a new space to practice contentment, love, and obedience.