Sunday, January 25, 2009

Current Events

I've been reading Jane Eyre over the last two weekends, in exchange for actually accomplishing anything.  Finished yesterday.  Beautiful story, interesting characters, and well-balanced plot.  The story didn't lend itself to being quoted, but there were a couple parts I marked that I really like.

"I was surprised to find how easy I felt under the total neglect of the one and semi-sarcastic attentions of the other...the fact was, I had other things to think about; within the last few months feelings had been stirred in me so much more potent than any they could raise - pains and pleasures so much more acute and exquisite had been excited, than any it was in their power to inflict or bestow..."

"Better tire my limbs than strain my heart."

I signed up for a knitting class yesterday.  The end.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tick Tock Tick

Something about being young(ish), married, and no kids gives you a little bit of a feeling of being unaffected by the passage of time.  B and I pretty much look the same (plus 5 lbs or so) and our life circumstances have not changed drastically.  I've graduated, started teaching; B's been in a job or three and is still improving himself constantly in the professional world.

This unawareness of time's passing makes me act foolishly sometimes.  I don't treasure people and simple moments as much as I should/could.  I don't live life like it is precious - I frequently take it for granted and get bogged down in the mundane.  

I remember when dear friends of our had their little girl.  She was not a blood relation and not my child, but being there for her birth and holding her shortly afterward made me want to be a better person.  The awe in looking at a baby and realizing that it is a little person gives one a pause in their thinking.  It made me want to exercise, love more, learn more, and live abundantly.  It made me want to make the world a better place.

I want children.  Very much.  I look forward to the days when I have consciousness of time's quick passing because there is a rapidly growing life in front of me.  For now, to be aware of mortality, I have to work to be conscious of it.  I do not want to take this time for granted any more than I would if I had a child.  The breath in me now is just as valuable as the ones I will have when I'm a mother.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Abortion and Racism

Yesterday the the sermon was entitled "Abortion and Racism: How Both Are Blasphemous."  It was little bit of a jolt to read such a straightforward title on the front of the bulletin.  Not that I disagree with the idea, but it had been quite some time since I'd heard these topics spoken on plainly "from the pulpit."  

That's what our pastor did.  He spoke plainly, first referencing Psalms 139:13-18
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are you thoughts, O God! 
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.
Our pastor described the kinds of abortions we have legalized in our country, presented arguments of "choice" and their counter-arguments.  Some people listening gasped as he proceeded, one or two left the room (for reasons I do not know), but all were engaged and listening.  

I was glad to be hearing the topic of abortion and the principles of life and death spoken about in church.  I'm tired of it being a part of political debates.  It is not a political issue and will not be solved through politics.  It is an issue that is swayed by our fundamental beliefs about who a person is.  Those fundamental beliefs are a matter of faith, of religion, of spirituality.  It is not something our government can decided for us, though they may try to tell us what to think.  And, I could certainly be wrong here, but I do not think that you are accountable for what your political leaders do.  Let them stand in their own decisions.  Concern yourself with the choices you have made.  There is more than enough of yourself to worry about.  You have some loving to do.

The second part of the sermon was begun with the scripture Revelation 5:9-10

You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.
You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.

After this, Sam read a letter Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote in response to a few white pastors who were requesting that King slow down a little and be more patient.  King's letter methodically went through the way life was for him everyday and the world that his children were beginning to see, poisoned with ignorance and hate.  He told those men that if they had been through all he had, they would never be so patient.  

I am going to speak plainly now.  I struggle with prejudices every day.  I see parents of my students and I assume I know what they are going through.  I judge a coworker, believing he works here only because he cannot get a job elsewhere.  I do a double take when I see a cashier at Wal-Mart who is white, well-dressed, and articulate.  I am a racist.  Do I want to be?  No.  Do I feel like I am less prejudiced than some others in this country?  Yes.  But I have my assumptions and biases, each day a "preconceived judgement or opinion" (  

The matter of abortion does not concern me much right now.  I feel sure in its horrors and I know where I stand.  I value life from conception to death.  Racism is the matter I find myself thinking on more.  I may say "I value life from conception to death," but do I value every life from conception to death?  Do I act as though every person I meet is worth the same?  Because they are.  Each knitted in the womb, a wonderful creation with days ordained and a God killed for them.  ...God so loved the world...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A Shoulder

When you are sad, sometimes the best thing a person can do is hold you and say - "Wow, that really sucks.  I'm so sorry you are going through that.  I hate that this is happening to you."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Stream of Consciousness

Journal Entry 1/10/09, modified

I wait for no one, no man
There is no space in me to hear
Buzzing thoughts or consolations
Prizes do not appear
There is room for one hole
One space in me to fill
Not another thing after the other
Heavy leaves me final

Expanse far between me and the last thing
Remaining still, aspire
Is it better than the first one
Hopes may this one help me fly

A consolation prize
The martyr deserves
But truly a heart barren
Has nothing to die for

So plant deep in me 
Pull back those greenhouse shades
Filter in the light
One ray, spilling harder as it grows
The concealed part
Stretching out that realm of belief
Grow in me that thing called faith

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Happy Anniversary, babe.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Sometimes, lazy isn't worth it

It wasn't worth it.  Last Friday, when I was putting groceries in the fridge, I noticed a couple tupperware containers with some food that had to be going bad.  Into the sink they went, to dump after the groceries were put up.  But I decided that I wanted to make some chocolate chip cookies to send to our neighbor and for B's never-fulfilled appetite for them.  I baked three dozen, put the rest of the dough in the fridge and set the dirty dishes by the sink.  I was a little tired, so I decided to sit for a while.  I came across a movie I'd wanted to see, so I plopped my butt down and my feet up and watched.  No dishes done that night.  

Saturday and Sunday were busy busy with running around to family events.  I was also on a specific eating plan and wasn't in the kitchen much.  When I was, I tried to ignore it all.  Between B's breakfast dishes, my occasional plate and fork, and glasses galore, we soon had a hazardous situation on our hands.

You will be spared the suffering of seeing inside the sink....that's where the moldy leftovers were growing.

Hurrah for transformations!

Please be sure to notice the fabulous Kitchenaid/Christmas present. It was the real reason I had to make cookies last Friday...

Hope this isn't too exciting for you.  I'll try to scale back next time. =)


I remember the semester I started student teaching, two dozen different people told me to be sure that I took care of myself.  When they said this, they meant to take time to do leisurely things - indulge, pamper, stay rested etc.  

I'm not very good at indulging monetarily, unless it is something huge like a special vacation or trip, then I throw caution to the wind....and stay in hostels.  I don't do therapy shopping, or drop into Starbucks for a pick-me-up mocha.  I'm not a spa person, though I did get a massage once and it was amazing.  Regular visits are not my thing, though.  

Once upon a time, I loved to read.  In that read-on-the-toilet-flashlight-in-bed-this-part-is-too-good-to-stop-at kind of way.  I still have a lot of affection for books, but I haven't read through a substantial novel or non-fiction text in a while.  Light reads here or there, but I don't consider myself a "reader" right now.

I feel that a good teacher is a creative teacher.  Someone who thinks outside the box and shares the world she's discovering with her students.  A creative teacher is one who takes the time to foster her own knowledge, grow spiritually and emotionally, and broadens her own horizons every day.  

I feel like I've hit a wall (the first day back to school!) where I don't have any more to share with my students.  True - they may be found in euphoric rapture when you create a paper snowflake out of a coffee filter, but sometimes it seems they know when I no longer have sought new thoughts, ideas or dreams out for myself.  Or maybe it is that my eagerness to share new things with them diminishes when I have not had a recent experience of discovery for myself.  Am I still making absolutely no sense?

I need to make some discoveries, use my brain for things besides planning, teaching, and budgeting.  I need to read, create, write, draw, converse, and play.  I will have nothing to give if I have nothing inside to give from.

What do you do to inspire yourself?