Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tick Tock Tick

Something about being young(ish), married, and no kids gives you a little bit of a feeling of being unaffected by the passage of time.  B and I pretty much look the same (plus 5 lbs or so) and our life circumstances have not changed drastically.  I've graduated, started teaching; B's been in a job or three and is still improving himself constantly in the professional world.

This unawareness of time's passing makes me act foolishly sometimes.  I don't treasure people and simple moments as much as I should/could.  I don't live life like it is precious - I frequently take it for granted and get bogged down in the mundane.  

I remember when dear friends of our had their little girl.  She was not a blood relation and not my child, but being there for her birth and holding her shortly afterward made me want to be a better person.  The awe in looking at a baby and realizing that it is a little person gives one a pause in their thinking.  It made me want to exercise, love more, learn more, and live abundantly.  It made me want to make the world a better place.

I want children.  Very much.  I look forward to the days when I have consciousness of time's quick passing because there is a rapidly growing life in front of me.  For now, to be aware of mortality, I have to work to be conscious of it.  I do not want to take this time for granted any more than I would if I had a child.  The breath in me now is just as valuable as the ones I will have when I'm a mother.

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